wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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