Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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