There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
