ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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