watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had sex on a roof
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize