last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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