Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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