Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
