I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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