I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
