Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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