Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this will be a night to untag.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
