Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
