today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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