I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
