You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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