Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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