Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
