dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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