so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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