the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
