my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
