I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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