The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
