you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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