I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
