first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
