the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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