me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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