does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
