Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
