Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
