i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
