guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
