I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
