I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
