chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we should paint friendship bongs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
