She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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