I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize