No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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