did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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