Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
