is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
