Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
