btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
