I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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