Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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