we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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