we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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