He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
