I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
