Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
