I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
