the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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