3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
