omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Non-Jews are for practice
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize