At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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