Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
