so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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