Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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