Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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