i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
