After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
