I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
